Yesterday I walked almost fifteen miles without using my inhaler, a big feat for me (I have pretty severe asthma). A few years ago I could barely run across a basketball court without a few puffs of that awful thing, but as far as hiking goes, I can walk really easily if i use my inhaler. I hate the idea of being dependable on something, though. Of having to alter my body in order to function. That's why I'm determined to steadily get over asthma. I try not to tell people I have asthma. I don't like people to know things like that about me. I mean, I'm already pretty pathetic with all my allergies and I love Madi, but I really don't want to end up like her (her illnesses have become who she is, if that makes any sense?). Yesterday, though, It wasn't asthma that was a problem. Something else strange happened, my legs physically wouldn't move. At first they just kind of cramped up. People are always complaining about cramps, I figured it was whatever and went on walking. It hurt, but I can take pain. I like pain (it's just a reminder that I'm alive). But my legs started to get worse and eventually I was thoroughly convinced that they would buckle from under me. And it scared me. I honestly could. not. walk. I started to get nervous. I'm definitely not used to being a problem. I hate making people wait and I hate the attention of being last. I know that if I was worried about somebody who was with me I would stay with them and make sure they were okay, but still, I just can't handle it when I'm on the other end. I'm not used to people paying attention to me and every time somebody asks "are you okay" I can nevernever answer and then I alwaysalways have to fight back tears. I got so confused and so upset. I've walked farther in more difficult conditions without a problem, but for some reason my body just decided to not work. Mike says that it was because I was dehydrated and didn't eat correctly. He's right. I'm awful when it comes to food. I can't eat anything, it all makes me sick. The food I can eat takes forever to make, so usually I just don't eat until somebody makes food that I can. Anyways, yesterday I didn't eat well at all and my body paid me back for it. It's just another reminder as to why I'm a screwed up human being and I need to be more aware of it. If I'm going to do the JMT next year, I need to eat well. I hate food.